Dakota's Spiritual Side

I just spent the past three hours talking with dakota, he somehow got on to the topic of his new found "religion" and decided to tell me all about it. And all I'm gonna say is...he THINKS that he has just "formed" this belief in the time of just ONE DAY, but as he sat there describing it to me, I found it very very funny that all it was was my beliefs that I have pounded into his head regarding Evolution and Creation combined with a Racial spin but he has expanded it to a Scientific spin as well...Dakota being the future Chemist and all! He is obviously very hyped about the whole "revelation" and thinks that in 50 years it just may be the "In Religion" and he would be the "founding forger" of it all! hee hee hee...you go dakota! Just had to share that...it was very enlightening to me as a mother to see that he THOUGHT he was ignoring all my teachings all along, but someway, somehow it all sunk in! So it just makes me wonder what other things I have actually taught him along the road which he will come to "expand" on!

Verbally Abusive

Today I walked/ran to the bank to get there by 3pm, then was worried about making it to the cable company in time to catch the bus to go pick up Kayley. But had Jake intercept Dakota and told him to go get Kayley, so I could slow from a walk/run to a walk. Then went to the post office, dollar store, and grocery store, realized that I made it in enuf time to catch the bus and pick up Kayley in time, so I figured I'd beep Jake back and tell him to let Dakota know, but obviously jake didn't want to look upstairs to see if dakota had left, so he screamed and cussed at me over the walkie talkie while I was on the city street to just "Fucking go get Kayley so she isn't standing there alone"! I wanted to smack the crap right out of him!!!!! So I go to get kayley, not knowing if dakota was going to waste the trip up there and then be mad at me! But he didn't show up to pick her up anyhow. So her and I walk home, I'm carrying two heavy bags, and have to stop at another store for one more heavy bag! Now I finally got home at 4:10 pm and still had to get three bills paid online so that I could call and make sure the gas company knew the payment was made before 5pm! I am just now calming down a bit, but I still have to dig thru months of bank statements...the Greenways, who we were going to rent from, if you recall...their brother use to be my garbage man...someone came to my door today bearing a
bill in the amount of $140 for garbage service from October 2004 thru July 2005!!!!! What a freeging crock! I spent the morning digging thru paperwork to prove that this crap my landlord is saying about me owing money is false! And I did find all that stuff! I'm pissed! I'm tired of people trying to get one over on me, that's why I keep all my paperwork! And Jake could have got the hell up (excuse my language) and did some running today, instead of me pushing everything so close to Kayley's bus stop time! Then had the audacity to scream at me!? Then he sits there acting all nicey nice saying "Yeah, babe, we should just go out and get totally crocked and tell the world to kiss our arses!" I start saying things that he always says..."I just ain't like that anymore, be glad that you have a wife that is happy to stay home instead of out running! That's one thing you gave me, is the ability to stay home feeling I'm not missing anything! Nope, I don't want to go out, I have dreams and goals of getting my bills all paid up, then working on my credit...that was our original dream remember, Jake?" And even after me saying little things like that, he was STILL hinting at going out! First I said "Fine Jake, go on out if that's what you are trying to get at, just go on and go out, you and your little "friend"! Then I thought for a minute and said "No, hold up! No, I take that back, that's not what I really want, you've been out 7 or 8 times now, and done tried lying about two of the times, NO, you don't need to be going out at all!" Now, how much do you want to bet, that rat doesn't walk in the door until WAY past his agreed upon 11pm???! And if so, that man is getting a real darn cold shoulder for quite awhile!...

Fight over Finances

Not starting out as a good day! It was thundering and pouring down raining when I walked Kayley to the bus stop. My umbrella was useless, the wind kept blowing inside out, now the spokes are shot and I just tossed it! She made it there pretty dry...wetted the bed again. Told her she is going to start wearing pull ups again and sleep on the floor until the bed wetting stops! So I bathed her and washed and conditioned her hair, then braided it up real pretty. She has those thin little wisps of hair on the sides by her ears that always come out of the main braids and get all frizzy and dry looking, so I just took those sections separately and braided them alone. I'll try to keep them in braids, maybe they will grow healthier.

Then I come home and start fighting with Jake over money. Since we aren't going to need the security deposit, he wants all his money back to buy some computer parts which he plans to re-sell for a profit. But then at the same time wants me to pay the DSL bill, so I told him that I needed $50 more yet to pay that, and he started screaming and hollering that I should have paid it with the money that he has given me thoughout the month! He is constantly acting like I am cheating him somehow, yet all I do is pay only what he TELLS me to pay on, he only gives me what he wants to give me when he wants to give it to me, so I pay whatever is most crucial at the time...now it happens to be the DSL but yet he doesn't want to leave $50 in the bank for me to do that. I write everything down in three different places as to what he pays me, then what I pay...it's all there and accounted for, but then it's like he has brain freeze when the next bill is due and he doesn't understand WHY it's due and why so MUCH is due....well, DUHHHH, because he had me paying other things, now more is due! I have it all written down, but he doesn't look at that stuff, he just argues with me and wants me to re-explain crap from two months ago about where the money went!
So in the end, he ends up giving me $5.75 more than what I originally asked for, I call and make the stupid payment so it is all caught up, I show him exactly what I am going to be paying out tomorrow, he still doesn't look at it, so he will have no clue and ask me next month what the heck I did with the money. So, there was no reason to stand there and rant and rave and get me all upset and shaking and threatening to move out and having the neighbors hear all of it!!!

No longer Moving

We are no longer moving right now, our current landlord thwarted our attempts telling the possible landlords that we owe her money and that she had already evicted us prior to us looking at their place. And that we are disruptive as neighbors, that we argue. We DO argue! WITH the neighbors for parking in the yard and parking in the trash can area! So yes, we have been disruptive, that's why we wanted to move, but she hasn't evicted us...BUT she is going to have to now! Because I'm not going anywhere until she takes me to court and actually shows up this time, and I will win! I told the possible landlords that she was mad at us for calling codes. We don't owe her any money that has not already been discussed and paid following a signed agreement by her! So as soon as any judge sees that, she's done! PLUS! I don't have a lease here with any rules and regs that I signed! So she can take that too! I live here and stack up the money until I am forced out!...
I told the Greenways that I have evidence of what Mim (my current landlord) was TRYING to charge me with back in November when she attempted to take me to court but never showed because I told her I had all the receipts and cancelled checks, and that I had a lawyer. I still have all that same paperwork to show the new
landlords and the agreement that Mim signed stating what was REALLY owed to her and how she still owed me for my security deposit and all the repairs I had done. So I will be taking that all into court, and when and if I ever DO receive an eviction notice from her, which I haven't yet, then I can show that she lied on my name
telling them I have already been evicted! Then the new landlords were saying that they checked with our courthouse and my name is attached to a judgement which my ex-husband defaulted on back in 1989 the year Dakota was born, and I have not seen him since dakota was two y/o, he owes me $16,000, we are legally divorced and I am not liable for any of his bills! Then they also said that they discovered that Jake and I are not legally married any longer...I told them "No, we aren't, but I never lied to you! I told you we were married, and we were on April 5th, 2003" What does our marital status have to do with anything anyhow!...

I feel so bad!

I haven't been keeping up with my BLOG, I guess because I've actually been talking more to hubby than normal, and putting my feelings out in other ways, but I really wanted to keep this blog going. So I am going to make a large effort to post everynight. Hubby had made me a promise which he has gone back on 3 times this week. I have been in bed sleeping, thinking he was keeping his word, only to wake up and find him not here at 11:30 at night. When I questioned about it tonite, about not keeping his word, he said that he needed to be out later to make money for the house we are going to be renting. Then when he finally gets home I look in his eyes and find out that he has been drinking, not out making money, but spending what he did have on bars, friends and shooting pool, using the EXCUSE that he needed to be out past 11pm. He says he can have better women without two kids that drinks his soda, and kids that do chores and that this is all my fault because I am stressing him for money. But then turns and breaks his promise, that he gave to begin with.

My cat "Two Toe"

Just wanted to share this pic of my silly cat hanging over the arm of the couch! She's been real silly the last couple days, finding her just hanging around in some unusual ways!

Missing Days

Wow! Where have I been? I haven't really been busy! The usual grumbling between hubby and I, but I'm trying real hard not to let him get to me. Now that I am not drinking, he can't use that to throw in my face, so instead he has started making comments if I don't go to a meeting. I told him right quick not to even TRY using that one on me, he has no business saying anything as long as I'm not drinking, and I'm not doing it for him anyhow. It will be 14 days on Saturday morning! Yee haw! And my desires are decreasing quite a bit, even in the midst of rage when a desire happens upon me, I have been able to push the feeling aside quite easily. Too much time in now to fall off.

Other than that, Kayley had her school picture day on Wednesday, and it was quite difficult to find any pants that were long enough on her! My goodness how she has grown just since Spring! We just bought her clothes! So I went shopping. Started out real good too, only spending $36 at the TS for about 9 real nice outfits. But then it took a turn for the worse at Walmart when I spent another $87. She is all ready to go now though! Wish I would have had the new clothes for her pics, I got this beautiful three piece sweater dress from the TS for $3, all pretty and pink! Oh well, can only do so much as the budget allows!

After the shopping trip, hubby wanted to "show" me a surveillance camera he wanted to get at Radio Shack! That was a big mistake meeting him there...he didn't just want to "show" me the camera he wanted to "buy" it and wanted my blessings! I could offer no blessings, since he has fines to pay out the ying yang and we barely will have grocery money this next two weeks! I feel bad, cuz I know he wants things (and so do I), but the bills have to come first, and every week it's something new with him, a new chip for his computer, new cellphones, new drives for the comp, now this week the surveillance cam! He got all huffy and took off after accusing me of not paying bills with the money he has given me! Oh please, I was yelling after him and some lady said I was scaring some little kid, Thanks Jake, Thanks a lot! Leave me standing there looking like an idiot after you throw your temper tantrum cuz you didn't get what you wanted at the store. He threw the money on the ground at my feet before taking off. So I took the money and purchased his camera while he was cussing at me via cellphone, customers and staff could hear him! Then he came back, took the camera and returned it to the store and said he was going to deposit the money in my bank account. Okay, he did that, but I had to turn around and send a check out for his fines, which is NOT suppose to be coming out of the HOUSE money at all! I understand he wants things, but he is the one that got these fines, and they need to be paid off or else he's going to wind up in sitting in jail, and if the house bills don't get paid then we all will be sitting on the street, then what good would that surveillance cam do? Atleast he came back to the house in a better mood and didn't say anything more about the incident, instead was thinking of ways to use the video camera for now.

So that was a pretty rotten day, besides shopping for Kayley's clothes. I started out the day with a rotten head cold, which only got worse, and had me resting all day Thursday. I arranged for Dakota to pick Kayley up from the bus stop afterschool, and when it was coming time for her to be picked up, I was getting worried that he did not get the message I left with his school secretary, I got all emotional and began bawling, thinking she was going to be left abandoned at the bus stop! Then the two of them came walking in the door, so I gave her a great big hug and kiss! I still don't feel too good today! Popping Tylenol Sinus like it was going out of style!

Yahoo Group Dropout

I had to unsubscribe from that Yahoo Group I talked about in yesterday's post, I don't think it was a positive thing for me. I don't think some of the members on that group READ the lengthier posts, they TAKE WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR only. They preach Step 8, 9 and 10 yet cannot even bring themselves to apologize properly without backing their "so-called" apology up with more advice when they didn't even READ the whole post obviously. And then one other goes and "picks sides" like a juvenile with her "I'm with you" post, that is very immature, so it had me wondering...am I talking to the wrong bunch, should I in my early recovery be taking opinions like that and rolling with them? I don't know them, and they may very well be in a "dry drunk" themselves spewing advice that they are not actually LIVING. Another one posted that my lengthy "novel" was all about "I" and not "WE" yet just a couple posts later she was telling her story to a newbie and it was all "I". That was very contradictory! How would I possibly write about "WE"? I could not write about others when I am not in their shoes...MY recovery is about "I" and no one else, I can't speak for anyone else...only myself.

One said of my leaving the group, that God may want me in this online group, that my words may be of service to someone else who is suffering, yet I got nothing but negative feedback from my post of HAPPINESS...so if my post was seen as "negative" how could that possibly help anyone else? And from looking at their posts after my departure, I see that my "leaving so soon" is a real "funny" to quite a few while they are LOL, again, how immature is that? Oh yeah, "come back anytime, WE will keep your seat warm!" Give me a break..talk the talk, can't walk the walk.

I don't think it helped my recovery process at all, only harmed it! I wasn't angry at all...I was totally dumbfounded, and I'm not going to sit there when someone was TOTALLY in the wrong with mistaken identity and not say anything. That's not being defensive, I was definately "wronged" and for all her years of sobriety, she could not make proper amends...how SICK is that? I continually asked her to tell me what I should be doing that I was NOT doing, and she could NOT tell me anything that I was NOT already doing, just kept saying "you know what you should be doing", believing I was someone else with years of sobriety. I may be an alcoholic, but that doesn't mean I'm going to bend over and take it up the whazoo and NEVER defend myself. Being defensive isn't ALWAYS a bad trait, and I'm never going to let anyone tell me it is, in this world nowadays you have to stand up for yourself, because no one else will. In my drunken days, I didn't defend myself, I didn't take a stand on matters that I believed in and therefore I got severely treaded on, in a sober state I can be stronger with guidance from HP. I don't care for people that just talk the talk and don't walk the walk! I had some people telling me that I was going too fast and that I should slow down and to work with a sponsor on the steps and then turn around and tell me that I should jump ahead to Step 4 and look at myself, yet they turn around and tell me this program isn't about SELF! I mean come on, you read each step...it's all about SELF and HP...self denial, self honesty, self inventory, self spirituality, self meditation, self control, self sanity, self wrongs, self defects, the program teaches that we have nothing whatsoever to do with anyone elses actions only OUR reactions!..the only thing about this program that is about others is making amends to those we have harmed and servitude to other alcoholics, and even THOSE actions are for our OWN self well-being!

Mistaken Identity

I went to a meeting yesterday, after not going for four days. I had a lot of negative feelings from the weekend, but something made me get up and go yesterday, and I was so glad I did! I heard just what I needed to hear to put all those negative thoughts out of my head and get back on a positive track. I had a really long talk with my Temp Sponsor, and she laid it all out about Simplicity and how I still trying to control things and not surrendering to powerlessness.

I felt so good after this meeting, that I came home and wrote a very long post to the online group of AA that I'm in, divulging all the good things that happened to me at the meeting and how I am seeing things in a different light regarding spirituallity, lightening bolts from my HP vs. subtle guidance and change working in my life. I wanted to share all this, because I had still been lurking and reading other newbies posts feeling uncertain of the same things I had been feeling.

Well, one member began replying to my posts and telling me that I was obviously too far into MYSELF if I could sit there and write such a long "NOVEL" all about myself and not out there doing service work, and pretty much was telling me to get over myself. I was totally dumbfounded, didn't know if I had overstepped a boundary line of this online group by posting such a lengthy post, and I did not feel that I was writing ABOUT myself FOR myself, I felt that I was sharing my feelings with other new members in hopes that they could relate and see that things DO get better!

Turns out this member had mistaken me for another member of the same name with lenghty history of sobriety, therefore she was telling me to read the BB and do service work at a Treatment Center when I have only been sober for 5 days! I mean, I just got my BB and I can't go speaking to others at a treatment facility this early in my recovery, sure I could do other service work, clean up, coffee, greeting etc, but I can do that right in my own meetings. Anyhow, to make a long story short, when she finally realized that she had made a mistake, she gave a very empty apology and followed it up again advising me to read the BB, which I HAVE been doing!

Obviously this woman did not read my entire NOVEL or she would have realized that I was the new member and not the old timer, she was too far into HERSELF! And immediately jumped to conclusions and began spewing advice. When one thinks too highly of their own opinions, that can do A LOT of damage, can send a person packing and out of that "ignorant persons" earshot! (Hmmmmm, is that what I have been doing to hubby all these years? Thinking too highly of my own opinions and sending HIM packing? Hmmmm, a very deep thought) After falling into my old ways a bit and battling verbally back and forth a bit with this woman, I saw it was getting nowhere, she was incapable of admitting her own shortcoming and giving a true apology of any kind. So I just ended it with giving it over to my HP and praying for HER! I knew I could not keep letting HER upset me when I HAD been so happy and filled with joy!

Labor Day

Our Labor Day wasn't your typical Labor Day celebration! Normally it would be a large cookout, all kinds of foods (prepared by me and only me all day long), people all over the place, beer cans all over the place, massive clean up efforts necessary afterwards (done by me)! Since it was to be Non-Alcholic, no one showed up! Which didn't bother me a bit! I didn't put any planning into it (other than cooking three casseroles), because I didn't invite anyone, knowing that they wouldn't come if there was no drinking. Hubby invited a friend and his wife, who are drinkers. So I'm sure that they had their own drinking party or went elsewhere. And that's just the crowd of people that we are use to. I'm sure that as my sobriety continues, we will make new acquaintences.

I fear "friends" in our life, because in the past it has always turned out to be some major lifestyle change. On a normal daily basis, hubby, kids and I are just here around the house. Hubby works on his comp, I WAS working full time and would come home, do household chores, cook dinner, get the kids settled, go to bed and start all over the next day. Kids are either in their rooms or running about. So bringing a "friend" into it means a "stop sign" in that normal daily routine. Dinner may not get cooked when it normally would, therefore kids aren't settled on time and I'm up later. Hubby even ACTS different with people around; he may go places with them that he would not normally go, get ideas that he would not normally have, talk of things that he would not normally talk about. And that's just too much upheavel in my life to deal with changing on and off like a light switch. Imagine it like the Christmas Season, when family and friends are in town for the week and you are running all around in your finest clothes, putting on your best smiles, visiting them. That's fine because it's just once a year, but "friends" pop up 2-3 times a week all year long! Gets a bit tiring and chaotic!

Suffering

I had some problems tonight. The other night too, but I dealt with that and dh seemed to back me. My "friend" from the bars had come over to my house, turns out she just wanted to use me as an escape from her son to drink behind his back. My dh had told her I was going to meetings and quit, so I wasn't expecting her to ask me if it would be okay to get beer to drink here at my house. I was taken off guard, and didn't want to NOT be there for her no matter what she needed. I got through that and dh said I did well, and he hadn't expected her to want to drink infront of me either, so he was proud of me. Him and I have had some conversations thru the week about alcohol affecting my health, so I thought he was really in my corner. Until he asked me tonight "would it bother you if I got some beer and drink at home with "friend"?"

I couldn't even believe he asked! But I used it as an excuse and said "Sure, then I'll drink right along with you, seeings how I'm only aloud to drink when you say it's okay, and we will just drink and get plastered until it's time for you to go on probation, then I can suffer all through it again from the start!"

I didn't get very far before I saw myself losing everything I want in life, a life of not hurting so much, a life of not fighting so much, a life of not worrying about dying from alcohol. I just wanted to cry and there was no one here that understood what I had lost. I tried calling a couple people on my list, until I finally reached one that I haven't had too much conversation with but she listened and understood, and told me that I needed to distance myself from it, and take care of me. Another woman from my meetings returned my call, and I told her everything, she's going to make it to the meeting with me tomorrow. And she too told me to take care of me. I took a hot bath, read some of Isaiah. Funny...when I opened it to that chapter in my Women's Devotional Bible, that day's devotion was all about transformation and the first four chapters of Isaiah talks of my HP's disgust with his people's sin and fake prayers, and how He just wants His people to turn it all over to Him and He would give us riches beyond all our needs! This helped me to relax and see that I would be okay...for awhile. Then I was awoken by the phone ringing in my home at a late hour and my dh's "friend" still being here. This is NOT the way I wanted my life, and this is NOT what he told me our life together would be like! I told him that I am an admitted alcoholic and I CANNOT be around all this right now, and that I thought he was behind me on this. He DID ask his friend to leave and removed the alcoholic beverages, he was a little mad at my reaction, but seems to be over it and has agreed to a Non-Alcoholic Labor Day cookout with non-alkies and the kids. I told him that my life could not consist of this, and that he would have to make a choice between me recovering and our relationship getting better or him being with his friends, and that I would be choosing my recovery. I love my dh very much, we have been through a lot, and I can't ever imagine anyone else taking my back and caring about my welfare as much as he would. I know he isn't suffering with my problem the same way I am, but he doesn't understand it either, just uses it against me when he's mad at me, which I'm trying real hard to not allow that to affect me anymore.

What is in your purse?

Here is my photo of my purse contents! This is one of the topics on my fav Yahoo Group.

Refugee vs. Evacuee

Here is another dumb little thing that these people are blowing out of proportion! I really wish they would research the Dictionary:
ref·u·gee [rèffyə j]
(plural ref·u·gees)
n
somebody seeking a safe place: somebody who is seeking or taking refuge, especially from war or persecution, by going to a foreign country (often used before a noun)

e·vac·u·ee
e·vac·u·ee [i vàkyoo ]
(plural e·vac·u·ees)
n
somebody moved to safety: somebody who is removed from a place of danger and sent somewhere safer, especially during a war

Now, by the claim of those on the media...the residents of New Orleans are NOT being moved to safety...so you tell me, are they Refugees or Evacuees! Why do people want to find any and every possible means to be offended?

[Early 20th century. Anglicization of French évacué , from the past participle of évacuer “to cease to occupy,” from Latin evacuare (see evacuate).]
Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

If you had a loved one working for the Red Cross, FEMA, or the military, how quickly would you want them going into dangers such as this?


Does this look like only the Blacks are "suffering and left behind"?


Does this look like RACISM to you?

Get off the pot and BLOG!

Okay, here I am, I let a couple days slide (one day? two?..not sure). I was holding back from blogging because I didn't want to sound too self-pitying, something I'm working on.

I'm really mad about all the BS these people are slinging about Hurricane Katrina and the relief aid being racial and that our country (our Prez) is leaving people down there to die because they are BLACK! Shut the hell up! The situation was so bad, more worse than anyone in this entire world could have ever imagined! The Red Cross was ORDERED not to go in there! They HAD to stay back! My god, they have scenes of buses down there at the SuperDome and people are wading thru nasty disease infested water to get on the buses! Texas decided to take as many people in as they could...where on earth are we suppose to stick all these people? I mean this is the biggest catastrophe ever...the government could never have been prepared for this! Bush was on the news the DAY OF, not five days later...he was in the office with the cabinet getting briefed as briefs were made possible, until he had to go and see it for himself! There are still 47 other states that he has to be concerned about and a war going on across seas!

The flood victims need to take some personal responsibility as well, and the mayor...New Orleans had one of the highest poverty and crime levels...(the mayor needs to live with the fact that they didn't have more in place) those poverty people don't have the MEANS to get to a grocery store half the time let alone get to a safe zone. Maybe now that these things has happened to them, that there lives were spared and they faced the worst, maybe some of them will come around, go get an education, and try to make their lives richer and better, so they are never faced with this again. It didn't matter how rich some were, they were powerless over getting out of the situation of Katrina. You know what they say about hitting rock bottom? Well, if this isn't rock bottom for some of them, I don't know what else could be! Those people, for the most, had no where to go, and really didn't think it was going to be as bad as it was. The governor begged them for three days prior to evacuate! But evacuate to where?

Just for myself...where would I go? Would I drag myself, dh and two children out to the in-laws in Kansas? Put all my family affairs on to them? How would I get there? Should I ask them to pay for our airplane fares as well, or to drive here and get us? I know it is hard for me to just pay for a taxi to get back from a big grocery store trip...but see, I put myself into the situation I am in! So I'm not going to have a pity party, and I couldn't blame anyone but my damn self!

Let's not even question it! It was obviously God's Will! Yes, the levees could not withstand it, they knew that, they knew that it would cost them about 14 mil to make them stronger, now hindsight has them seeing that it would have been a better investment than what we are going to be paying now through Aid and loss of life. It was maybe God's Will to make us wake up! To make us see that we are powerless over what He can do! Look at 9/11, look at what we learned about our lack of intelligence and safeguards...we rested on our laurels and we learned, now we will have to learn from this as well. But I am getting really pissed off at these people claiming it was a "Race" thing, as if Katrina targeted the poorest of black folks on purpose and the gov't just left them there to die!

Facing a temptation

A friend of mine called lastnight (Tuesday night)while I was out, hubby told the friend that I was out and she mentioned that she might "pop over". When he told me that, I kind of figured that she must be going through some personal drama at home or with her SO, she wouldn't call me otherwise. Well, today on my way to the grocery store, I stopped by her house just to be sure that it wasn't life and death. She said she'd walk over to my place with me when I was done at the store. I welcomed the visit for a few. Hubby had mentioned to her that I had been out to an AA meeting, so she questioned me about the drinking. I told her I was wanting to quit for good. So I thought, "okay, that was easy, now she knows where I'm coming from".

When we got to my house, she asked if I'd mind if she'd go get a six pack to drink at my house. At first I said "Yes", but seeing how I figured she needed it, I told her to go ahead. Her idea to come to my house and drink was to sneak it without her 13 year old son knowing. The son had told her to be home by 9pm. Well, she ended up at my house until 10:15, drinking her beers, telling tales of how her and her sisters use to hustle people and things for money down south, and how good her sister was at it. I asked her then, "Well, why is your sister now living back up here with you instead of down south?" (I mean, if she was doing such a good game down there and all?). She told me that the sis was making money illegally and so was this sister's SO, the sis and SO were no longer on friendly terms and beginning to threaten the feds on each other and the SO had made threats on the sis's life, and had been abusive!

Gotta tell you honestly, I resisted quite a few urges to grab one of her beers but I found that the only reason I was thinking to grab one was out of boredom! It was getting later and later, I had things around the house that needed done that could have kept me busy, Kayley needed put to bed for school, and her stories of the hustle life were making no sense to me! (I told hubby all this afterwards and he said he was "real proud" of me) I'm not a drug addict, so the idea of people doing anything and everything for crack just don't make sense to me, and the situations that she and her sisters are in, only seem to me as though they are in those situations because that is what they choose. But I can't be thinking all high and mighty, because I know I have caused a lot of the situations I found myself in because of alcohol. I just now know I don't have to live like that anymore, and this girl was more bragging of it all and laughing rather than seeing a bad pattern, something she should grow from. She isn't about growing today. She did mention about maybe she should go to a meeting with me, but that was that, she didn't ask what time or anything else. Maybe I should call her for the next evening meeting, she works during the days when I normally go. But I really don't want to be putting myself around all that too much right now.