Attempted Homicide

Image thanks to http://www.hiken.org/ianArtHigh1site/pages/a013_Jail.htm

I came face to face with DH lastnight after 4 months, he was with his new GF and a couple other guys. He walked right into the Tavern I live near, which he is barred from. I was sitting there with two friends, got up to go in the bathroom and when I came out there he was walking in, I was this -- close to him. My body took over, I began shaking immediately and said "OH Hell NO! He's not allowed in here, and I have a restraining order against him!" Mona and Bobbie (the two barmaids) made quick to have him leave, but it left me feeling very unsettled. Although, he has not even attempted (as far as I know) to bother me at all, but it was just the audacity of him being there where he knows I go and he knows he's not allowed, and the two of them out for a "night on the town" after there house just went up in flames!

So today I'm left with wondering WHY this still bothers me, why I can't just go on, why I had to show a reaction of any kind! And this is what I came up with...it's a lot like imagining how you would feel if someone attempted to murder you but you escaped with your life...after the shock wears off, you'd want to see him burn in hell or atleast be charged to the fullest extent of the law, but instead they are free to walk the streets and have contact with you! The chance of running into this monster around any corner, at the grocery, at the library...just anywhere...and he is free to go on with his life and live it to the fullest!

This is how I feel, and I just can't shake it! He took so much from me...emotionally, physically, and financially! I was a crumbled mess on the brink of suicide, feeling like I was going out of my mind with the madness that he slathered on to me. And he was able to walk away from all this without so much as a slap on the wrist, free to attempt murdering some other poor soul! But instead he's out there making it as if HE is the victim!