First Meeting

I went to my first meeting! Here's my fears going in and how I felt after..
1) feared walking there and people seeing me AFTER, once I got there, it didn't phase me
2) feared people knowing me at the meeting and hearing personal family business AFTER once I got there and heard speakers, it didn't phase me
3) feared people repeating my business outside of meeting AFTER once I got there, it didn't phase me, I'm trusting what I say there will stay there
4) feared that I haven't been sober that long and wouldn't be taken seriously AFTER once I got there, and heard others, it didn't phase me!
5) feared that my family wouldn't take me serious AFTER once I walked out the door to go to the meeting, it didn't phase me because I was on my way no matter what they thought I am capable of.

I remember someone posting in a group about two people that went to the exact same meeting, and how those two people left the meeting with totally different takes on the meeting. I got to this meeting tonite, at first I was scared because of the amount of people there, I was hoping it to be smaller and I wouldn't have to share infront of so many people. At first I was a little annoyed at how every small noise in the meeting place made it difficult to hear what was being said, but then thought "next time I better sit up front". At first I was a little annoyed that it was a "Speaker" meeting and that I might not get a chance to get things off my chest. Turned out that the Speaker touched on a lot of things that I could relate to.

A couple things that really stuck out about what the speaker said, he went over his experience with the 12 Steps, since my brain has been in such a fog lately I have tried to read some of the big book and the 12 steps that a group posted for me, but I just can't concentrate and understand a lot of what I am reading...this speaker broke it down for me and gave me some vision into what I should be expecting to work on. He spoke a bit about his sponsorship of others, so that gave me some insight into what I will need to look for.

After the speaker spoke, there was a bit of time for some sharing, and I took that opportunity to unload, I thanked the speaker and let him know that I really needed to hear what he had to say tonite, and it was obviously meant to be a "Speaker" night for my first time.

Many people afterwards greeted me, shared a bit and I got some phone numbers of women I could call for help. I was going to just walk right out, but they didn't let that happen, so I ended up talking to quite a few people for quite awhile afterwards and learned of some meetings held each day close to home for me, and these people will be there too, so I won't feel so alone! One woman made sure I had a number to call her day or night, and I WILL use it if need be.

So, I'm glad I didn't wait for my sister to have that woman call me tomorrow. I heard what the group was saying, and I didn't want to go anywhere near making any type of excuses, I just had to go.